I am not the first wife have her husband “turn gay” on her. There are also husbands who have lost their wives to the Sapphic allure of lesbianism. Of course, I do not believe anyone really “turns” gay. There is not some magic homosexual wand that turns people one way or another. I think that people are born with a preference and their life experiences either nurture or suppress their natural tendencies. In my husband’s case, his life experience suppressed his natural tendency and so he chose to fall in love with a woman, marry her, and did the best he could to “cut it” as a straight person. He did his “best” for himself to keep his so-called status in the community and his family but also I believe he did his best to make me happy. He knew I loved him and did not want to hurt me. His love for me (he contends) kept him in the closet for so long and he did try his best to make his homosexual feelings go away. He sees that “I left him” but I see that I “set him free.” I knew that he would never leave me, but I also knew that one of us was going to cheat on the other because we could not do without the love and affection we used to provide for each other. I decided to leave before we both betrayed the memory of us by cheating. With the addition of moving cross country and changing my name, I really did us both a favor. A lady knows when to leave.
In the early part of the process of leaving my now ex-husband I often asked “Why did this happen to me?” I am exploring this very question through my writing, introspection, therapy, and prayer. I believe I was complicit in the continuing of the marriage after we both “knew” the truth. I am an accomplice to my husband’s closeted and repressed homosexuality. I continued it because I loved him and I believed he loved me. If I were honest with myself and the world I would have to admit that I was also afraid to be on my own, no one else would love me, and I had grown very accustomed to the lifestyle the two of us made together. But really, I loved him and thought I could love him out of his same-sex attraction. He believed I could love him out of it too. But I am not Jesus. I cannot save him. I could only save myself.
When I finally “came out” to a few of my friends about the truth of the divorce (with still protecting the ex) I was amazed at how common this situation was. Many people I talked to had known someone who had “lost a spouse to the homosexuality” or it had happened to them. I think most straight people at sometime in their lives have dated and/or slept with someone who was or eventually batted for the other team.
Maybe Kinsey was on to something.
Hey, Straight People, it happens to the best of us. Gay Men and Lesbians can be very attractive and seductive, how can you blame yourselves? Besides, just because they preferred their own sex over your sex does not mean you failed as a man/woman. It does not mean that you are sucker, a loser, or bad in bed. You were and are probably quite charming and probably great friend material. Stop wincing, it is not a death sentence. Consider this, you kept their attention for a time. They fought their “true nature” to fuck you for awhile, didn’t they? Besides, think of the mad skills you picked up in bed to keep them as interested in you for as long as you did. Mad skills, Baby, mad skills.
There are two men that I know that lost their wives to The Gay. One is an old friend from high school the other is an old friend of the family. Until recently, I had not talked to either man in years. It is because of the wonder of Facebook that we had become reacquainted. My old high school buddy alerted to me that something was perhaps “wrong” with my husband. He saw the signs before I did. I will never forget what he said that alerted me to my husband’s “issues.” “Damn, Girl, He’s either gay or dropped on his head not to want you.” What a ringing endorsement of my hotness. Really, it was quite flattering. Even when I felt fat, old, or in otherwise unappealing because my husband did not want me, he reminded me that it was my husband that was mistaken.
The other situation is of an old family friend I became reacquainted with through a rather bizarre coincidence I will not go into right now. Weird. In later discussions with him he volunteered he got divorced for the same reason. Sigh…. Like I said, happens to the best of us.
Do not get me wrong, these two men are quite cute. One in a very traditional American standard of hotness. He is in the military and his body is our tax dollars at work. He looks delicious. The humidity goes up when he walks in the room…in my pants. The other has a quirky kind of cuteness that is nonetheless appealing. He is the kind of guy that would help you with your chemistry homework and then you end up making out on the couch while listening to Weird Al. Stranger things have happened, at least to me. I wonder if it happened to them, why should I be surprised it happened to me? Both of these men are handsome in their own way, they are perfectly fine specimens of manliness and not the least bit effeminate. So, what the hell? I am kind of cute, or so I am told, and have very feminine features. It is not my fault. It is not their fault. It just happens.
Did these two men’s sexiness factor drop a notch or two just because their wives turned out to be lesbians? Not at all. In fact, I imagine if I were single, given the right circumstances, and if the moon were in the seventh house and the moon aligned with Mars, I could see myself sleeping with either one of them if they would have me. I might have even imagined what it would be like. In an attempt for “fair and balanced” fantasies, I imagined scenarios with both individuals. No threesomes, just one and one, mind you. I imagine that perhaps together we could somehow fuck away the memory of our exes with the added benefit of reaffirming our attractiveness to the opposite sex. It would be a win-win-win. We would have matching wounds. Would a romp in the hay with Ms. Charlotte J really undo all that damage? Probably not. Just like there is no magic wand that turns men into fairies (pardon the term, it is just a joke) I do not have a magic pussy that heals hearts. I can only do so much.
But… still… it might be fun to try.